- When I was a child my    family were so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year    older.
 
- It's my wife's    birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.
 "Oh, I don't know," she said. "Just give me something with diamonds."
 That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards.
 
- Q: What song should    you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday? 
 A: "Happy Birthday To Gnu!"
 
- "Doctor, I get    heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."
 Next time, take off the candles."
 
- Q: Why do we put    candles on top of a birthday cake?
 A: Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
 
- Q: What did the    birthday balloon say to the pin?
 A: "Hi, Buster."
 
- Q: What did one candle    say to the other?
 A: "Don't birthdays burn you up?"
 
- Q: Where do you find a    birthday present for a cat?
 A: In a cat-alogue!
 
- Q: Why was the    birthday cake as hard as a rock?
 A: Because it was marble cake!
 
- Q: How can you tell    that you're getting old?
 A: You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!
 
- Q: What has wings, a    long tail, and wears a bow?
 A: A birthday pheasant!
 
- Man 1: "I got my wife    a VCP for her birthday."
 Man 2: "Don't you mean a VCR?"
 Man 1: "No, a VCP ... Very Cheap Present!"
 
- Q: What party game do    rabbits like to play?
 A: Musical Hares.
 
- Do you think my skin    is starting to show its age?"
 "I can't tell. There are too many wrinkles."
 
- "I'm giving a    'surprised' birthday party for you."
 "A 'surprised'. birthday party? What's that?"
 "That's where I invite a bunch of your friends, and if any of them come, I'll be surprised!"
 
- Q: What does the    hungry monster get after he's eaten too much ice cream?
 A: More ice cream!
 
- "Were any famous men    born on your birthday?"
 "No, only little babies."
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