When I was a child my family were so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older.
It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.
"Oh, I don't know," she said. "Just give me something with diamonds."
That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards.
Q: What song should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday? A: "Happy Birthday To Gnu!"
"Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Next time, take off the candles."
Q: Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? A: Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Q: What did the birthday balloon say to the pin? A: "Hi, Buster."
Q: What did one candle say to the other? A: "Don't birthdays burn you up?"
Q: Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? A: In a cat-alogue!
Q: Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? A: Because it was marble cake!
Q: How can you tell that you're getting old? A: You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!
Q: What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow? A: A birthday pheasant!
Man 1: "I got my wife a VCP for her birthday." Man 2: "Don't you mean a VCR?" Man 1: "No, a VCP ... Very Cheap Present!"
Q: What party game do rabbits like to play? A: Musical Hares.
Do you think my skin is starting to show its age?" "I can't tell. There are too many wrinkles."
"I'm giving a 'surprised' birthday party for you." "A 'surprised'. birthday party? What's that?" "That's where I invite a bunch of your friends, and if any of them come, I'll be surprised!"
Q: What does the hungry monster get after he's eaten too much ice cream? A: More ice cream!
"Were any famous men born on your birthday?" "No, only little babies."