Bumper Stickers 
* I feel so much better since I lost hope.
* It's people like you that make people like me take medicine.
* Don't vote. It just encourages them.
* Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
* If walking is so good for you, why does my mailman look like that?
* Ask me about my vow of silence.
* If the answer isn't beer, you've asked the wrong question.
* Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
* Before you condemn someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
* We must silence those who oppose freedom of speech.
* A man does not have to be a bigamist to have one wife too many.
* Try not to let your mind wander. It's too small and fragile to be out by itself.
* Guys, just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.
* I'm happily married, but my wife isn't.
* Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
* You are right where you belong. Behind me.
* Old age comes at a bad time.